Many parents, includingAndy CohenandKim Kardashian, have decidedsurrogacy was the right path for their families. But if you’re considering surrogacy, where do you start? We talked toDr. Kim Bergman, whohelped Cohenand producerRyan Murphymake their dreams of a family come true, about what to expect and where to start.
Bergman, author ofYour Future Family, out May 1, and the co-owner ofGrowing Generations, one of the foremost surrogacy and egg donor agencies in the world, says that the process requires teamwork.
“Surrogacy is a collaboration, a coming together of a group of fully informed consenting adults all with one common goal: helping you become a parent. And as with any collaboration, this passion project has some necessary ingredients that will lead to success and help your surrogacy journey be something you can treasure,” she tells PEOPLE.
Here’s what you need to know about the process.
You’ll have a team.
Dr. Kim Bergman.Melissa Kolaks Broaddus
Surrogacytakes at least 18 monthsand can take years.
Yes, it is expensive.
And the cost also depends on how quickly the surrogate gets pregnant — if it takes a couple tries, the additional embryos add up. But “the average is right around $175,000,” she says.
Trust your gut when it comes topicking a surrogate.
“We try and educate the parents in terms of what they should be looking for and hoping for, and really it’s about trust,” Bergman says. With Growing Generations, “we really trust our screening process,” she says, and parents-to-be almost always go with their first match, but generally it’s “kind of a gut feeling.”
Your Future Family, out May 1.Conari Press
“However, whatever you are going through now is totally normal,” Bergman says. “So get whatever support you need from family, friends and professionals but also just be gentle with yourself wherever you are in the process.”
And often, the stresses are no different than they would be for parents carrying their child themselves.
The success rates with surrogacy are high.
“My strong recommendation, and the research really bears this out, is that telling the truth early and often yields the best outcome for the child,” Bergman says. “If you tell them early and often the story of their conception and birth, and coming to being, and how a whole group of people came together, it’s beautiful. Kids are not born with a preconceived idea of how it should be. They don’t come on the planet thinking, ‘I’m supposed to have a mom and a dad who I’m biologically related to.’ They just want to be loved, and it doesn’t matter who is loving them.”
source: people.com
