After aspateof recently - chop phone nudes , it ’s cleared our advice to never shoot pictures of your own junk is n’t going to get on . So if you ’re going to do it , at least do it well . Here ’s how to make your naked shot beam .
NSFW : Breast - madden Hacker Steals Naked Phone Photos of Christina Hendricks and Olivia Munn Glee Star
Take care of lighting
away from using a phone build after , say , 2004 , this is in all probability the most of import scheme : rupture your pictures where the light source is estimable . wrick on lamps at roughly the same height as the share you desire to stress , and avoid sodding overhead lights — no raw human being has ever looked great shrouded in shadow . low-toned light configurations also fill your pic with distracting ( and horribly unsexy ) digital noise . For hopeful light options , take daylight over fluorescent Light Within . You need your self - walkover to be unskilled , but not like some security department camera capture from a crime scene . Christina Hendricks pulled off light perfectly .
https://gizmodo.com/nsfw-breast-crazed-hackers-steal-naked-phone-photos-of-5890475
Important caveat : No flashes . Ever . Ever . A camera flash will twist the most regal peepee or veevee into a blinding physiologic pit monster , exploding away from the screen . You should never look terrifying au naturel . A flash will clench this .
Always use a mirror
Whether you ’re shoot the whole chassis or just a piston , a reflection assure the best form of reference for limpidity and make-up . Somewhere in your house , you have a mirror . And if you do n’t have a mirror in your house , why did you expend money on a smartphone ? Use that mirror to set up your pose — no matter what kind of sexyface you put on , pulling off an attractively - framed portraiture when you ca n’t see what the hell you ’re doing is near - unsufferable . It madeScarlett Johanssonlook bad . And she ’s a lot easily looking than you .
If You Are Famous and Take Nude Photos of Yourself , They Will finish Up on the Internet
Clean up your disgusting room
Ugh , come on , Heather Morris the Cheerleader from Glee : clear all that defecate off of your layer . Detritus is trouble .
Probably don’t take a picture of your penis
No matter who you are , it ’ll probablyunderwhelm . It ’s not your fault . It ’s not your body . find fault the technology . Save it for IRL . Why ? You ’re credibly setting yourself up for failure . Take it from our anon. source at Adult Friend Finder , a frequent recipient role of dong injection :
“ In general , it ’s not always repulsive . It is , however , ALWAYS hilarious , and yes , I always show all my admirer . And just for on-line dating dudes in universal , I feel like a tidy sum of dudes pull the dick depiction gun trigger WAY too ahead of time . We ’ve never met ? I likely do n’t involve to see it . One date , did n’t go that well , but I ’m being polite answer your textbook ? I do n’t need to see it . And really , I ’m a grown woman , if I require to see it , concern it , or be anywhere around it , you may calculate your ass I ’ll ask for it . ”
But , if you insist , fine — here ’s how . Just observe the advice of our grownup Quaker from Adult Friend Finder : “ Pics take up of your meat laid across the lavatory seat are just crying . First off , we sleep with why you ’re still sitting down ( ew ) . Second , we can usually also see the ring in your commode AND your toenail fungus . Really … just say no . ” Dear idol .
http://gawker.com/5807858/how-to-take-a-dong-shot
Leave something to the imagination
The naked self - dig is inherently a little gross , but it ’s at its crassest when you ’re pouring it all out . Chandra , Lead Writer for small talk blog Celebitchy explain , “ leave alone some mystery … I thought Blake Lively ’s “ alleged ” nude were the best , just because her ( alleged ) trunk is unbelievable and the elbow room the angles were choose , there was still some mystery and that was aphrodisiac . ” The anon. former managing director at Adult Friend Finder concurs : “ Teasing is better . It ’s much sexier to see some potbelly and a treasure trail leading down into a slightly pulled - down couple of denim than to actually see everything . ”
Smile like a normal person
This might sound visceral , but do n’t pull any facial stunts , or you will look like our dear ally iPad Mirror Prostitute . “ If your face is in the photo , endeavor to forefend the facial expression of desperate famewhoring ( “ OMG , THESE WILL BE ON TMZ presently ! ! ” ) , ” agrees Chandra .
Never use a webcam
Not only is the quality far worse , but you ’ll have to sort of disquietingly crouch - skimpy over the camera to get yourself in the gibe . You ’ll probably have a thwarted flavor on your human face and your body will be wrinkly and unknown and mirrored . Plus , a telephone set gives you an opportunity to show off your phone . “ fit out my phone . ”
Don’t use vintage filters
Christ , have some self - regard .
Be prepared for them to be everywhere
You ’re not famous , so odds are nobody will be shameless enough to post your hacked phone pictures on Gizmodo . But ! There ’s nothing stopping your X / go / OKCupid interlocutor / etc from forwarding the picture to everyone they lie with . Nothing . This is a very large plunge to plunge into .
One last thing that we’re horrified even needs mentioning but apparently happens because the Adult Friend Finder expert warned against it
“ verify there are no tyke in the room . Really . You ’d be stunned . ”
…
Now go onward — go forth and do what we all know you ’ll regret .
Top art animate byimages from The Dirty .
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