Amber Heardis continuing to share her side of the story.
In a sit-down interview withSavannah Guthrieairing through this week onToday, Heard, 36, said she has “so much regret” for what transpired during her past relationship with ex-husbandJohnny Depp, following the verdict in their defamation trial.
“I did do and say horrible, regrettable things throughout my relationship. I behaved in horrible, almost unrecognizable to myself ways,“she said in a segmentof the interview that aired Tuesday. “I freely and openly and voluntarily talked about what I did. I talked about the horrible language. I talked about being pushed to the extent where I didn’t even know the difference between right and wrong.”
“I will always continue to feel like I was a part of this, like I was the other half of this relationship because I was. And it was ugly, and could be very beautiful. It was very, very toxic,” Heard said. “We were awful to each other.”
For more on Amber Heard, listen below to our daily podcast PEOPLE Every Day.
And while the actress admitted she “made a lot of mistakes,” she insisted inher conversation with Guthrie, “I’ve always told the truth.”
Amber Heard.TODAY/NBC

Through the week, the star’s sit-down with Guthrie will appear onToday, before more will be shown on a specialDatelineFriday. The interview will then be available onToday’s website, and theDatelineepisode will be available on Peacock.
Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human-interest stories.
Earlier this month, theseven-person jury reached a verdictin the trial that began April 11 in Fairfax County, Virginia, deciding that Depp, 59, proved theAquamanactress defamed him in her 2018 op-ed about coming forward with sexual-violence allegations. (Depp has maintained that he never assaulted Heard, andclaimed she physically harmed him.)
The jury awarded Depp $15 million in damages butHeard will only have to pay $10.35 milliondue to a Virginia law limiting punitive damages (the judge reduced the amount). In her countersuit, Heard won one of the three defamation counts, and was awarded $2 million in damages.
ThePirates of the Caribbeanactor and his fans celebrated the verdict after it was read in court in Fairfax County, Virginia, with the actor saying the “jury gave me my life back” in a statement.
Heard, meanwhile, denounced thedecision as a “setback” for women. Her lawyer, Elaine Bredehoft, said recently that her client plans to appeal the verdict.
In apreview of her interviewwith Guthrie that aired Monday, Heard said, “I don’t care what one thinks about me, or what judgment you want to make about what happened in the privacy of my own home in my marriage, behind closed doors. I don’t presume the average person should know these things, so I don’t take it personally.”
“But,” she continued, “even somebody who is sure I am deserving of all this hate and vitriol, even if you think that I am lying, you still couldn’t look me in the eye and tell me that you think on social media there’s been a fair representation.”
“Youcannot tell me that you think that this has been fair,” the actress added.
source: people.com